A righteous person who walks in his integrity—how blessed are his sons after him.
Proverbs 20:7
While this article’s title might lead one to think it is an opinion piece about vaccinating children…the reality is…it’s not. But, there is a principle that I do want to draw from the idea, nevertheless!
Edwin Friedman, in his book, A Failure of Nerve, makes the case that a parent’s great fear should not be that their children succumb to violence by watching television, but instead they should fear the acceptance of and hope for the utopian lifestyle television promulgates.
He went on to argue that instead of only focusing on protecting their children from external influences, parents should primarily cultivate their children’s strength within. In other words, parents should, as it were, inoculate their children so that they will become well-differentiated leaders able to face the headwinds of life with poise and resilience.
In-oculate.
What’s fascinating is that the word inoculate means “into the eye (or bud)”. To inoculate principally means to inject something into the very heart of someone with the intent of strengthening them. When we inoculate our children with the truth of God’s Word, we are impacting their being–their heart. It’s not knowledge transfer or out-source-parenting.
But, there is one big challenge.
Never in history has there been more potential for freedom from pain, protection from deprivation, or deliverance from danger. In every generation since Genesis 3, humanity has faced turmoil, death, and despair. It’s all around us; however, in the 21st Century we are uniquely able to mitigate, alleviate, and otherwise run from problems like never before.
For instance, we can run: relationally (friends are now on Facebook and Fortnite), from our families (no-fault divorce), with our sex drives (abortion), with education (tuition debt), from our churches (low-view of membership and accountability), and on and on. We are able to wiggle our way out of struggle instead of facing it with grace, resolve, and humility like never before.
There’s also got to be a balance.
In her book, The Hiding Place, Corrie ten Boom, told a story about her dad giving her wisdom that speaks into this context as well. On their way to calibrate their clocks, Corrie began to share with her father about some mature conversations she overheard some of her schoolmates discussing. Her father listened and when she finished, he asked her to bring him his briefcase that was on the floor. She obliged, but had a hard time picking it up. It was too heavy for her.
Her father went on to share that the briefcase won’t always be too heavy. At some point, she’ll be able to carry it without struggle. In the same way, he shared, she should not try to lift and seek to know all mature information–like the conversation she heard earlier from her schoolmates–when she is unable to understand it fully and act upon it. Since she trusted her father, she accepted his advice and moved on.
It’s important to point out that she grew up to make decisions that would be heavier than any briefcase or school scuttlebutt. She carried her life’s problems well, and went to make history for her and her family’s sacrifice in saving Jewish people from the Nazi regime.
How Does This Apply To Us Today?
- There is no way to remove evil from our children’s (grandchildren or disciples) path…
- The reality of evil doesn’t keep us from walking through the moonlit forest, but instead accepts such reality and presses on to the other side and the rise of the morning sun.
- On the other hand, we have to be wise with “how much” we allow (to the extent we can) them to be exposed to as they age…
- There’s a reason we train our children (grandchildren or disciples) to drive in a parking lot with a lot of space or a farm-to-market road with very little traffic. As they learn–with failure included–the mistakes are less costly.
- Thus, we engage our children’s hearts by mentoring, modeling, and studying them…
- Mentor—1 Timothy 1:5
- In mentoring children, it goes something like this: Encourage. Edify. Encourage. Edify. Love.
- We stick close to the book of Proverbs by daily discussing one principle from the chapter of the day and having nightly prayers and readings as a family. We’ll adapt and adjust as our kids grow up.
- Model—Proverbs 20:7
- They are watching us like a hawk. If we lose our temper and don’t apologize, we’re losing trust. You’re showing that you’re unpredictable…that erodes trust.
- As a model, we are following in the steps of Christ…sacrifice, forgiveness, and meeting with the Father (individual devotion to a daily time in God’s Word and prayer).
- Student—Proverbs 22:6
- Knowing your children’s bent is the key to developing them as individuals. They are uniquely made, and it is incumbent upon a parent to learn their unique “finger print.”
- Your children are not you…never will be you…and should not be treated like you treat yourself.
- Thus, the only way to give yourself the best chance of not falling into the vicarious parenting style is to be their student…learn how they’re made…watch them tick…take notes…and teach to their style of learning.
- Mentor—1 Timothy 1:5
God help us! Amen.
— June 24, 2021