If you were to ask me when I was growing up if I thought I would have three daughters, I probably would have smiled and thought to myself, “God, help me!”
My childhood consisted of BB guns aimed at unsuspecting birds, kill-the-man-with-the-ball, and doing everything I could to wreck-shop on the tether-ball court. I have an identical twin brother and older brother who both are as equally masculine as I ever thought I could be. We’ve wrestled over sides of the bathroom, thrown fists over toothpaste, and have fought over who could sit shotgun.
As I grew older, though, I could actually envision and even welcomed the idea of having a house full of girls. As it turned out, God did give me three daughters, and they’re each mysterious and lovely in their own unique ways. There is something so powerful in their minds and in their ability to connect and understand at the heart that truly astounds me.
From the time my girls were little they have been mesmerized at my incessant desire to show them my strength. Of course, they will flex their muscles when I do, but they’re really just trying to connect with me at my level. They reach over into my world–even at a young age. And, if it’s not this, then it’s them waiting to hear me say they look beautiful after putting on dress-up clothes and making sure I notice them. Of course, there are also the hugs, long eye-contact smiles complemented with a shoulder curl, and the unrelenting compassion when I get so much as a hang-nail.
It has been incredible to watch each of them develop. As they have grown up over the years, they each have shown some proficiency or interest in something. Whether it’s baking unbelievably delicious bread or coloring incredible pictures, they have shown themselves varied and talented.
Recently, one of my daughters began to take an interest in molding clay. By the way, the only thing I would have done with clay at their age would be to make it into a projectile that could be launched from an underground fort that I had dug (actually did this with neighborhood friends growing up). Well, her ability to take this inanimate object and turn it into something of art blew me away.
While we were in the car driving to visit family over the holidays she asked me what scene I wanted her to make with her clay. At first I didn’t know what she meant, and then after I said, “make a daddy hugging his daughter,” I understood fully (picture directly below). I then asked her to make a mommy holding a baby, and she made the figurine (second picture below). I couldn’t believe it.
Her ability to capture those intimate moments truly did shock me and I let her know. I could almost hear her smiles when I remarked at each of her moments she captured with clay as we drove to West Texas.
You want to know what’s fascinating though? Only one of my daughters does this. The other two have not much interest in molding clay like she does. In fact, they would probably (even did) get the various colors of clay and mix them all together just to look at the various colors and the like. Only one likes to do this, and that’s perfectly fine.
The reality is…each of them are different. You know what I mean if you have more than one kid. They’re the same in many ways, but in many more ways they’re different. And that difference is exactly what Solomon wants us to focus on as parents, grandparents, or even those discipling others…
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 (AMP)
The heart of this passage is captured beautifully in the Amplified Bible version above.
Train up a child…according to their way or bent. The idea isn’t teach them biblical truth and they’ll not depart from it when they’re old (while teaching biblical truth is certainly part of parenting). The idea is for a parent or one engaging in discipleship (taking it principally) to know their child (or disciple) so well that they guide them toward their particular strength or disposition. In other words, the athletic dad’s aim isn’t to turn his artistic son into Tom Brady, but instead foster his creativity and help him see how he can develop and sharpen it for good.
How Does This Apply To Us Today?
- Invest in learning…
- This means both learning the strengths of your children (or disciple), as well as learning in the areas where they are strong.
- I try do this in many ways, and one is by taking my daughters on daddy-daughter dates each Saturday AM.
- Let time play out passions…
- Children often jump from one thing to the next. That’s normal. However, if you’re watching closely over time you will see patterns develop. Take note.
- Celebrate and inspire…
- Let your praise flow toward your children or disciple…even if you’re not naturally an encourager. They hang on every word, note, and gesture.
- Stay committed to encouraging their learning and finding their way or bent. Disappointment and discouragement are part of life, and your belief in them through this will reap dividends in the future.