“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.“
1 John 4:18 (NET)
I love my children. All three of them. When I was young I never could have imagined the feelings and emotions I would feel for them. It’s really something for me that I simply had to experience.
My little girls–that are quickly growing up into young ladies–have my full and undivided devotion. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughters. Sure, there have been (and will continue to be) challenging times, but my love for them is incomparable. In simple terms, my love for them is fierce. Their birth-day still remains a strong and vivid memory. As they came into this world, they bore different resemblances of Jennifer and me. They still have those reflections, but each are becoming their own unique and special persons God created them to be.
Moreover, as a father, it is a privelege to cultivate their strengths, as well as provide training in their weaknesses. What a calling. What a love.
On the other hand, I have at times failed in loving them as I should.
Would it surprise you if I said that there have been times that I haven’t been the best father? There have been times–even with my burning love–that my children irritated me. There have even been times when my voice was raised beyond a normal corrective tone in order to get their attention or to correct them from a wrong direction. I’m sad to say that I have raised my voice a couple times at my daughters that caused them to cry. Even with all my love, I have failed in loving.
What’s a parent to do in this failure of love?
What’s a father to do when he loses his temper and fails at loving his children as he ought?
What’s a mother to do when she speaks with a tone so harsh so often that her children begin reflecting the same tone to their siblings?
What’s a parent–who is full of so much love–to do when they have not faithfully expressed their love when it was needed to be expressed?
One simple thought:
- Confession.
- This is agreeing with God’s Word that what you did, said, or thought was wrong and contrary to God’s best for you and those around you. “The one who covers his transgressions will not prosper, but whoever confesses them and forsakes them will find mercy.” Proverbs 28:13
- Confess to God and your children when you have failed loving them.
- Stand ready to say, “I’m sorry for _________. Will you forgive me?“
- Appropriation of God’s forgiveness
- This agreeing with God that you are right with Him and in fellowship with Him (not because of what you have done), but because Christ went to the cross for that and those sins and He conquered that and those sins by His empty tomb. “He delivered us from the power of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:13-14
- Walk in the confidence of God’s forgiveness that is yours through faith.
- Use these words often when reconciling with your children after you have failed in loving them properly. “I have failed at loving you as I ought to love you, but our God will never fail at loving you. As much as I don’t want to ever fail you again I probably will, but God never will. He is the One I look to for strength and grace to love you as I should.”
- Acceptance of Grace.
- This is agreeing with God that you are the recipient of His unmerited favor and therefore are provided access into His presence. “Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have also obtained access into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of God’s glory.” Romans 5:1-2
- Let your children see you walk without moping around in your mistakes. Let them hear you (not blow off your mistake), but instead say, “I receive and still need God’s grace to continue to walk in love…and in loving you rightly.”
As parents, one of our primary responsibilities is to point our children to a love that comes from God–a love that casts out fear. This perfect love, if not received and embraced by us will rarely be applied and expressed to those who are in our spheres of love.
Embrace God’s perfect love for you…so that you can love others well through your confession…appropriation of forgiveness…and acceptance of grace…in your own life. Amen. Amen.
— August 21, 2020