“Please pass the cranberry sauce,” she tenderly asked him. He stopped cutting his turkey, put down his knife, and looked up at her with a gentle smile. His kind eyes met hers.
For a moment time stood still. Their lives flashed before both their eyes.
The room was full of laughter, of life, and love.
The grandkids were hungrily eating their food (“…they had been waiting for days,” they kept saying), their kids–now parents–were busy wrangling them, and instructing them to sit still and stop reaching for the food over their cousins. The dogs were outside on the porch trying to convince everyone–with their sad faces–to let them inside to the warmth and comfort.
And there they were…soon-to-be great-grandparents to a baby boy, now grandparents to 17 grandchildren, parents to four of their–now grown–children, as well as a husband and wife.
They are surrounded by laughter, love, life, and…family–now reaching down into three generations–soon to be four.
The fire was burning steady and crackling in the fireplace–putting off just enough heat for everyone to enjoy. The food was spread across various tables and countertops in all its myriad glory. From the meat to the sides to the desserts and rolls, everyone had contributed something to this feast fit for kings. The smells in the room were filling its every corner with their palpable fragrances full of spices, sweetness, and savory delights. Outside, snow was lazily fluttering to the ground–forming another soft blanket–on top of an already thick cover of snow that had fallen the night before. There was a snowman sitting half-built ready for its finishing touches, there were sleds ready and waiting for the hills begging to be ridden, and there were the cross-country skis and poles set aside for use later that afternoon.
And there they were. Husband and Wife. Lovers. Friends. Veterans to pain. Veterans to joy. Veterans to a long life lived now 63 years together.
They sat caught in the gaze of one another. Transfixed in their thoughts. Of the years gone by. Of hard times. Of good times. Of the time when everything changed. It was the watershed point in their lives and marriage. It was the time when their world–the world they now are experiencing–nearly came crumbling down before their eyes.
Still, they sat there smiling at each other with all the activity whirling around them…time slowly beginning to fade.
And it was into this sacred moment–like they were the only ones in the room–that he tenderly whispered to her across the table, “I love you.” She paused, smiled her tender smile, and whispered back, “I know. I love you too.” They smiled at each other again–knowing exactly what each other meant–lingering and cherishing their company. Everyone–at this point–had stopped eating and talking (at least the adults) and began to turn toward them.
His eyes began to slightly burn and mist, he shifted in his chair, and then he stood up–slowly, gingerly, and thoughtfully–remembering that one cold morning 41 years ago when he stood up from his bedside to leave for the day.
Only this time everything was different. He paused for a moment, and then began to speak, “Today is special day. Today is Thanksgiving…” he paused, and then began, “…today, we have much to be thankful for…” The words drifted slightly, and he paused again, looked over at his wife–the wife of his youth, now an elderly, yet elegant woman. He smiled at her, and then his thoughts went back to that cold early morning 41 years ago…
He knew she was awake. He was sitting on the bed waiting there for her to reach for him and just touch him–with a touch of affirmation…a touch of affection–before he tried to get up again and go about his day. He had just wanted her touch–just some of her affection. He wanted to know she loved him–that she understood him. But she didn’t reach over and touch him. There was no affection. She just laid there…acting like she was asleep. “Go figure,” he thought to himself.
So he slowly rose from their bed–still feeling the pain in his back, and walked gingerly to the bathroom. While he was in the shower, he angrily cried with fists clinched. He was angry with himself. He was angry with his wife. He was angry with God. “Why is my marriage in this place–after 22 years…can’t we figure this out? Why, God…do You even care?” He didn’t think anything could or would ever change. He was at the point of lost hope. He was losing hope. Hope was all but gone.
But then something he didn’t expect happened. Somewhere, in the midst of his crying and wrestling with his circumstances, he recalled vaguely some verses from the Bible that his grandfather would share with him on occasion when they would talk about marriage, relationships, and the like.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church…” Ephesians 5:25, 28-29
Just then, his struggle began to lessen. His anger began to subside. His head slumped, and his fists eased and unclenched. Something was happening to him. He looked up feeling something he hadn’t ever felt or understood about his marriage before. In that moment, he thought a new thought to himself, “Now…now I’m beginning to understand love…
…Love is sacrifice. The cost of love is my very life.”
And then, he did something he hadn’t done in years. He prayed. But this prayer was different. It wasn’t a criticism or a victim’s cry. No, no, this time he just prayed to His Lord committing his life, his wife, and his family to Him.
“God, today…this moment…now, I commit my life to You, I commit my wife to You, and I commit my family to You. Today, I commit to loving my wife as I love my own body. I will love her as You have loved Your Church. I will lay down my interests for hers. I will cherish and lead my family spiritually. Please forgive me for my negligence of my wife and children. Please give me the strength to fulfill this commitment. And when I fail, please pick me up again. Amen.”
He finished in the bathroom, got dressed, and then headed off to work. As he was driving down the street, he realized to himself…it must begin right now…this second…right where we are. And so, he turned the car around and drove back home.
He slowly opened and quietly shut the door leading inside their sleepy house from the garage. He took a deep breath and tried to silently walk down the hallway to their bedroom, and said to himself, “…love her…love her…as you would love yourself…as Christ loves His Church–die to your desires…your ambitions…your need-to-be-right and justified, and truly live in Christ’s example and strength.”
He walked into their bedroom, and saw her sit up–her eyes full of tears…her face flush with crying. He reached down his hands and pulled her face close to his. He looked into her tender and tired eyes, and said, “…I’m sorry. I am so so sorry. I’m sorry for not loving you as you deserve to be loved. I’m sorry for not loving the kids as they need to be loved. I’m sorry for not taking the lead in their spiritual life. I’m sorry for being gone so many weekends playing and entertaining myself with my friends. I’m sorry for not opening the Bible with our family. I’m sorry for not being the spiritual leader that you have wanted me to be in our home. You work so hard. You give and give without complaint. For so many years I have only thought about myself…my desires…my needs. And I haven’t given your needs the time of day. You are so beautiful. You are so caring and kind. You are my best-friend. Please forgive me. I promise to love and honor you as you deserve. I am so sorry. I promise…from this day on…things are changing…”
His strong hands were still holding her soft cheeks and she sweetly said, “…sit down beside me, my love.” He sat down beside her on the bed, and she softly and gently put her fingers in his fingers…her palms on his palms, and quietly she held his strong hands. Her mind raced back to the first time they held hands… “A poem”, she hopefully thought to herself, “…is being written.”
She then shifted her hands in his and moved them around her back, so that he was holding her in his arms. She nestled her head on his chest and cried. He held her tight in his arms as her body shook with sobs. He looked out the window as the sun was now peaking through the clouds, and resolvedly thought to himself, “…from this moment everything changes.”
After some time–there in his arms on their bed–her crying subsided. She slowly leaned back and lifted her head to look into his eyes. Those kind and loving eyes she remembered from so many years ago now peered into her soul. She knew things were going to be different. Something inside her reassured her of that. The pit in her stomach was now gone as she had been held by the man she had given herself to.
She blinked away more tears, and with her small and gentle fingers wiped his tears that had steadily streamed down his face, and she said, “…Thank you. Thank you–my love–for coming back to me. I believe you. Every word you have said. I believe you. I trust you. I need you. I am yours. Yours alone. Today…today…will mark our marriage for the rest of our lives. Today, I commit to being present in the present, and following you as you follow our Lord.”
That memory–now 41 years ago–was still fresh, but had softened. And so, he continued sharing his heart with his family on that cold Thanksgiving day:
“…today is full of life. This Thanksgiving is special. It is a day of being thankful. A day when we remember our blessings. A day when we count our blessings. A day when we express those things we are most thankful for to those we love and cherish the most. And so today, this Thanksgiving day, I want to share with all of you what I am most thankful for. I am most thankful today for my bride of 63 years. She has stood by me with the unwavering strength of an oak. She has followed me with an unflinching heart of a lion. She has nourished me with such great compassion and care. She has counseled me with deep and circumspect wisdom. She is my lover. She is my friend. She is my wife. I love her. I honor her. I bless her on this Thanksgiving day.”
He looked around the room at all the smiling and beautiful faces of his children and grandchildren looking back at him. Tears had filled his children’s eyes, and some were wiping them from their cheeks.
He spoke again, this time lifting his hands up beside him, “…if it wasn’t for our Lord, I don’t know where we would be. If it wasn’t for Him, this Thanksgiving day would look very different.” He lifted up his eyes to the ceiling, and said…
“Love costs everything. It costs your very life…
And, our Lord showed us how to give this love through His love for us. And so, this love we are now sharing around this Thanksgiving table is felt and experienced through a love that costs everything…love costs everything. May we all remember our Lord’s example of loving us by laying down His life for us so that we might live a life of loving as He loved by laying down our life for those whom He puts in our lives to love…Amen. I love you all. Amen.”