In our last installment of the community series, we landed on a working definition that attempts to put us on common ground. We said that community is, “The place or group or gathering where emotional, physical, and spiritual needs are met in reciprocal relationships forged in a willingness and commitment to journey through life together.”
This article will focus on the inner-workings of the stages of community…
The Stages of Community
STAGE 1 – Connection
The first stage is connection, and it’s the most superficial. It’s not trivial, because the reality is this stage is where a lot of people find themselves. It’s the conversations about shared interests or culture or the weather or the Olympics. It’s a necessary stage, because at a psychological level, this is where humanity creates its willingness to continue investing. For example, you will generally look forward to being a part of community where you have shared interests with others. It’s when–psychologically speaking–you’re drained because you are forced to maintain relationships with others who are not in any way like you. At that point, the energy and effort required “to give of yourself” will eventually lead you away from something you so desperately need. And so, assuming that’s not the community you find yourself in (naturally called a monoculture or single-interest group), then you’re going to be forced into the next stage.
STAGE 2 – Differentiate
This is the stage that has moved beyond a superficial connection, and now you actually find out that you are different. What began with a connection based upon shared interests moves its way into the surprise of differentiation. Once again, this stage is no shocker. Many have experienced this perhaps in a small group or life group. The first several meetings are great, and then the constant talker reveals himself or herself…or it’s the constant critic…or the forever optimist…or the I-have-an-answer-for-everything guy that rears his head and does things different than you. You get the point. It’s here at this stage that the person or persons do things or say things that are sometimes very different than you, and you don’t like it. And then you begin to question your continued involvement in the group. That’s why this is the most critical stage of community. It’s here where you either decide to love them as Christ or not. It’s important to point out that there are real issues that come up and could eventually lead to you or someone else leaving the community. If that’s where you are…check out this article on conflict. The next stage will naturally occur if you’re willing to move forward with your investment into the community.
STAGE 3 – Acceptance
This stage essentially says, “We’re different, but I accept you for you.” This is where community begins to hum. You’re able to be yourself and you’re not rejected. It’s a wonderful place. It’s where community establishes deep roots that will last a lifetime, which moves you to the last stage.
STAGE 4 – Commitment
This stage is where your community sounds like an orchestra–each instrument playing on key and in tune to create a most beautiful and wonderful sound. This is a community of individuals flying together as one. It’s a group with purpose, with joy, and with a willingness to lean in to conflict with grace, truth, and love. It’s the relationships that humans were made to thrive in. This is the stage of community that acknowledges an initial superficial connection, comes to a recognition of being different from one another, chooses an acceptance attitude for who each other are, and finally makes a commitment to one another rooted in the cross of Christ. This stage says, “We’re all broken together at the foot of the cross in need of a Savior…if Christ accepts and commits to you, then so do I.” This stage is dynamic, colorful, and diverse.
May the Lord bring us all to a community of commitment.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4